For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a deep knowing that there is more to life than what we can perceive or quantify with our five senses and a longing to connect with the loving force that creates and sustains existence. 

But I’m also a gold-star-earning, punishment-avoiding, approval-seeking Good Girl™. 

For the first few decades of my life, these two parts were at war with one another, and despite following my family’s expectations and western culture’s recipe for a happy life, I was chronically depressed and anxious. 

Bolstered by powerful interventions from Spirit — jarring and wonderful mystical experiences that shook me up and got me back on track — I started taking small steps toward my knowing and longing. Things began to snowball quickly, and by my early 30s I had left my religion, my cookie cutter lifestyle, and my first marriage. 

I don’t necessarily recommend blowing up your life, but for me, it was the best choice I ever made.

The cornerstones of my life unravelled one at a time, and my faith in an angry, punitive god was the first thing to go. For a long while I was in a nebulous Square One, uneasily floating through my days, not certain of anything, including my identity or purpose. My family and friendship dynamics had experienced catastrophic changes after I left the Church. I had a few understanding friends who remained in my life, but other than that, I was on my own, and my trusty books and podcasts were holding me together. It was during this unraveling that I discovered Martha Beck. 

Rob Bell, a former pastor whom I had followed since I was 16 and clung to for his open-mindedness and actualChristlike attitude, was also going through a faith deconstruction, and listening to his RobCasthelped me realize I wasn’t alone. I didn’t know it at the time, but I picked up a really valuable lesson from Rob that would show me the way to one of the greatest influences of my life. He was very open about his spiritual journey, and he said that when he comes across a great teacher, he asks who their teachers are.

He had so many incredible guest speakers, a frequent favorite being none other than the luminous Liz Gilbert. I didn’t know much about her, except that my Christian family thought she was terribly selfish after watching her leave an unhappy marriage in Eat, Pray, Love. That was enough to pique my curiosity. I devoured all her books and her Magic Lessons podcast. 

In one episode, she brought on a guest who she said has been a guide for her and one of her favorite human beings in the world… Martha Beck. 

I listened to their banter and all the wisdom pouring out of both of them, and I was left wanting 

so

much

more.

Looking back, I think it’s interesting that Liz recommended Martha’s first memoir, Expecting Adam, before her many acclaimed self-help books. Naturally, this turned out to be exactly what I needed: a human connection. After reading about her mystical encounters in Expecting Adam and her experience of parting ways with the Mormon church in her book Leaving the Saints, I knew to my core, this lady gets me. 

She became my most beloved teacher, and for seven years I gleaned all the free wisdom she put out into the world in her weekly online Gathering Room chats and her masterclasses. Whenever she spoke about the type of people who would be a good fit for her Wayfinder training, I knew she was talking about me, and once I was a free woman in charge of my own finances, I went all in and joined the program. Another one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

So how did psychedelics become such a big part of my life? 

We have to backtrack a little bit to my square one era. My dark night of the soul, when I had very little community and was feeling my way toward whatever books, podcasts, and documentaries felt good. Since I’m drawn to the mystical, it makes sense that psychedelics came up. 

I found a few videos of people simply talking about their experiences, how Sacred Medicine had helped them heal, grow, and connect with the divine. This really helped me undo a lot of the drug war propaganda that was buried in my brain. 

I know a lot of us went through the DARE program. I freaking won the DARE program. Every week I was the only one in class to memorize all the harmful effects of different substances, recite them in front of the visiting police officer, and earn prizes…pencils, rulers, t-shirts…I was abundant in DARE swag. At the end of the program, my essay on the evils of drugs was chosen to be presented on behalf of the entire school. 

Told you I was a Good Girl™.

This messaging was still embedded in me when I began to learn about psychedelics, and although I set an intention to make them part of my life someday, I resolved not to do it until my kids were grown, believing that I would be a bad person if I took drugs while raising children.

Spirit thankfully gave me the kick I needed, however, and my husband and I were gifted some psilocybin mushrooms while I was in my Wayfinder Life Coach Training. The timing felt totally aligned, and on a gorgeous spring day I had my first psychedelic experience. 

It felt like a homecoming. 

I cried for hours. Happy tears that just flowed out of me, releasing all the sadness I’d been carrying for so long. Laughter came more freely than I’d ever experienced in my life, and I understood at a profound level that joy is my birthright. Our birthright. 

After this experience, not only did I want to make Sacred Medicine a regular part of my own personal spiritual practice, I knew that I wanted to incorporate it into my coaching work. So I turned to Google, as one does. But due to the criminalization of psychedelics, not much came up. It looked like my only option was to go to Oregon and become a certified facilitator, and they weren’t accepting anyone out of state for a couple of years. So I put my pursuit of psychedelic training on the back burner and carried on with my Wayfinder course, feeling discouraged at having to defer my dream.

Several months passed, the Wayfinder training was drawing to a close, and it was time for my cohort to start taking classes with the business instructors. My group was assigned to Joi Whitmore, and I was drawn to her energy from the very first moment. Her spunk, authenticity, compassion, and deep wisdom told me she was definitely a kindred spirit. 

In the very last business class we were discussing coaching niches, and when she mentioned her work with psychedelics, my jaw hit the floor. I couldn’t type out an email to her fast enough. I was hoping she’d give me some of her time and tell me everything. 

Not only did she enthusiastically agree, she became a dear friend and mentor, teaching me and initiating me into this holy work. I am forever grateful. 

But we both sensed there was more. Something beautiful was ready to come into the world, and it wanted to be manifested through us. She introduced me to a whole group of kindred psychedelic sisters, and after a period of quiet dreaming and scheming in our cocoon, the Wayfinder Psychedelic Collective has emerged. 

Our world is in the midst of a psychedelic renaissance, and it’s time for Wayfinders to step up and offer a heart-centered approach built on integrity. One which centers the wisdom of our ancestors and the technologies of magic passed on for thousands of years by indigenous healers. 

That’s what we’re here to do, and I could not be more thrilled and humbled that I get to spend my life doing this work with my sisters and my dear friends and teachers, los niños santos, the Holy Children.